


Conflicting Desires

by The_Dancing_Walrus



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi
Genre: Anal Sex, Bad Sex, Breathplay, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Intrusive Thoughts, Intrusive memories, M/M, Oral Sex, Rare Pairings, Sex Work, Sort Of, Violent Thoughts, as in unfulfilling sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 05:57:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13229457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Dancing_Walrus/pseuds/The_Dancing_Walrus
Summary: Poe stands there frozen for a moment, back on that ship before Finn got him out. Then on the command cruiser with the First Order bearing down. Then in that buried base with its broken ski speeders and their backs against the rock. He's expecting soldiers and blaster fire and pain.So it takes him a moment to really process what he's seeing and what he's seeing is-Kylo Ren, one of the Resistance's most wanted men, shoeless and shirtless.There's a livid red bite mark on his neck that Poe can't stop staring at once he's noticed it.-In which Poe makes a string of bad decisions but walks away calmer for them.





	Conflicting Desires

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RedHead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedHead/gifts).



> Haven't written any fanfic for a while, I've been a bit buried by real life and working on original fiction. 
> 
> Sean mate, this is not for you. Do not read this thing.

In his defence he isn't sober. Which may not actually be the worst defence in the galaxy but is knocking on the door of it all the same.

 

Ganjifa is a medium sized station above a large moon, not the sort of place with a big population exactly but the kind of stop off point that sees a lot of people passing through. The rest of his squad are on the other end of Ganjifa, celebrating and Poe had only come up to the space-ward side because well-

 

The point is he hadn't really meant to end up in a brothel but the brothels on Ganjifa are sort of like the fuel depos round Ashta Six. Once you're in they seem to go on forever and you can't seem to find the way out again. At least not without buying a whole lot of things you er-

 

It might not be as good a metaphor as he thought.

 

The point is he hadn't been looking to buy; he'd been looking for the way out. He'd just managed to disentangle himself from a pair of far too affectionate twi'lek women when Poe saw him.

 

And Poe might have had a little more Old Janx than he can happily hold, but dosh he knows that face. The bastard hadn't even bothered to hide the scar-

 

Poe staggered a little closer, one of the twi'lek ladies, the one the colour of an ocean, attaches herself to his arm again.

 

He stands there frozen for a moment, back on that ship before Finn got him out. Then on the command cruiser with the First Order bearing down. Then in that buried base with its broken ski speeders and their backs against the rock. He's expecting soldiers and blaster fire and pain.

 

So it takes him a moment to really process what he's seeing and what he's seeing is-

 

Kylo Ren, one of the Resistance's most wanted men, shoeless and shirtless. He's sitting alone, the uh- workers are leaving him alone.

 

That's what makes Poe, well he doesn't exactly think of it at the first attempt. His mind sort of stutters around it like a speeder engine that won't start.

 

There's a livid red bite mark on his neck that Poe can't stop staring at once he's noticed it.

 

And he's sober enough to know he should do...something even if he isn't quite sure what. Call his squad may be, or signal the Resistance, something-

 

But he can't stop staring at that bite mark. Kylo Ren-

 

He's probably just- a lookalike. He's got to be. But Poe steps a little closer and finds he can't convince himself it's anyone else. There's no mistaking it, Poe knows that. He is _never_ going to forget that face, no matter how much he wants to.

 

He's sober enough to know the smart thing to do is turn around and leave. But he's got enough Old Janx in him to turn to the woman next to him instead and ask-

 

"How much is he?"

 

She gives Poe a worried sort of look and Poe grins wide. It's not all that much-

 

Poe's just sober enough to know this is the worst idea he's had since- Probably since he got in that shaking ski speeder and flew out across the salt.

 

They're a lot more helpful with directions once you tell them you're going to pay.

 

The woman leads him round to a corridor and leaves him outside door 12. He doesn't have to wait long enough to get second thoughts.

 

It is definitely Kylo Ren. Poe smiles up at him.

 

"Hey Ben." He says brightly. "Remember me?"

 

-

 

The room is so minimalist it verges on stark. There’s a bed, a refresher through a door and two dressers, one a little larger than the other. No decoration, none of the little personal touches people fill their space with to make living this packed together bearable. Everything is black or white.

 

It’s standard size, which is small. Too small for someone as doshing _big_ as Kylo Ren anyway-

 

Kylo Ren steps in and stands to one side, feet shoulder width apart, hands behind his back one on each elbow. Parade, rather than attention.

 

Poe steps after him and shuts the door.

 

He turns a half circle looking round and finds he can't bear to go the full 360. The idea of turning his back on _Kylo Ren_ makes him feel like his spine’s turned to ice. So Poe turns back and makes a point of really _looking_ at Kylo Ren.

 

He’s pale, which Poe doesn’t mind, and he’s all muscle. It’s really a shame; on someone else that chest would be the kind of masterpiece that could leave Poe speechless for a good minute. Unfortunately it’s attached to an unstable murderous bastard who tortured him that one time on Jakku.

 

Poe can’t bring himself to forget that. He can’t quite stop himself looking up at Ren’s impassive face-

 

But there’s a livid red bite mark at the point where his neck meets his huge shoulders and there’s another, faded yellow on his hip. There’s an abrasion in a neat line across one of his ribs and Poe wonders whether there’d be circles round his wrists-

 

He steps forward before he's really thought about it and put his thumb over the yellow bruise. He spreads his fingers experimentally and idly notes that whoever it was they had bigger hands than he does.

 

Poe stops, one hand resting lightly on Kylo Ren's hip and thinks about pushing his thumb into the bruise. He thinks about the sounds Ren might make, whether it would show as more than a flicker on his face, whether he'd actually move or just stand there and-

 

Poe takes his hand away.

 

He closes his eyes for a minute and tries not to think about Jakku. When he opens them Kylo Ren hasn't moved. They're too close together and if Poe doesn't do _something_ then it'll start to feel like-

 

He focuses rather too deliberately on Kylo Ren's chest, moves his hands up too slowly to skim over all that pale pale skin. They come to a natural stop at the top of Ren's chest and stars the man has massive pecs, Poe can just about get one in his hand-

 

He realises with a jolt that he's actually _touching_ the bastard properly now.

 

It's skin. It just feels like skin.

 

Because he _is_ just a man, all that kriffing power be damned and his skin under Poe's fingers is warm and soft and human and really not anything to be scared of. Not at all.

 

Poe's thumbs rub circles into Ren's chest and then curve up to trace his collar bones and he's just so doshing _big_ -

 

It occurs to Poe that putting himself in a small room with the man may not have been the best idea he's ever had.

 

"So I gotta ask," Poe says because apparently he's done all his thinking for probably the rest of his life, "do you actually _fit_ in Storm Trooper armour? Cos I'm pretty sure I never-"

 

"What do you want?"

 

Poe's hands stutter to a stop. "You sound different without the mask."

 

"What do you want?" Ren asks again and he sounds-

 

He sounds tired.

 

Poe looks up at him and he can feel his mouth setting into something grim even though he doesn't want it to. And clearly he's going crazy because he's thinking about putting his hands around Kylo Ren's throat and choking the life out of him.

 

His hands have moved up a little before Poe really registers what they're doing. He's lays them deliberately flat on Ren's shoulders and pushes.

 

He doesn't have to put much force behind it, Ren folds easily, goes to his knees as if he's spent a lifetime there. The idea makes Poe shudder-

 

He feels a little better looking down at Kylo Ren instead of up at him. Less overwhelmed. It doesn't seem to have affected Ren in the slightest. He looks up at Poe with exactly the same blank expression he was looking down at him with a moment before. His hair is soft under Poe's hands and Poe thinks of grabbing a fistful of it and wrenching Ren off balance just to see that expression change. He thinks about punching Ren to the floor and that from Ren's perspective Poe's hand carding gently through his hair isn't a million miles away from the gesture Ren used to force his way into Poe's mind.

 

Poe puts his fingers under Ren's chin and tilts his head up. Ren moves easily and now that Poe's looking he _does_ have nice lips-

 

It's a strange thought because it makes Poe aware that if things were different he wouldn't be hesitating. There's nothing objectively wrong with the way Ren looks. He hasn't done or said anything that makes him seem unwilling. He could stop any of this easily if he wanted to. He could take the whole thing out of Poe's head and send him walking out the door none the wiser-

 

Poe runs his thumb over Kylo Ren's lips and then, because he clearly _has_ gotten that fed up with life he says

 

"What are you thinking?"

 

"That you should make up your mind." Ren replies flatly. "Hurt me or leave."

 

Poe's hand stills. "That simple huh?"

 

"It's what you're thinking." Ren says in a tone that's almost accusatory.

 

Poe twists his hand into a fist in Ren's hair and yanks him forward. He doesn't make a sound but his eyes do get a little wider. He ends up with his face buried in Poe's thigh, his hands curling and uncurling on his own knees.

 

Poe lets him go long enough to fumble with his trousers and get out his half hearted erection. Ren stays exactly where Poe put him and then Poe has his hands back in Ren's hair, tugs him roughly to the side. Poe gets his free hand around the base of his cock and _Kylo Ren_ opens his pretty lips and-

 

Poe makes a small choking noise and closes his eyes for a moment.

 

Objectively it feels good. Ren knows what he's doing. Poe doesn't want to think too deeply about that but closing his eyes doesn't quite drown it all out.

 

He tries to think about the rhythm, about how good that warm wet mouth feels around him. And stars it _does_ feel good. Poe thinks about the other people he's done this with and then about who he'd like to-

 

And then the memory of who is _actually_ on his knees brings Poe up short because Kylo Ren can read kriffing minds and there are some things, some people that he shouldn't be allowed anywhere near.

 

Poe opens his eyes.

 

The sight of Ren with his lips wrapped around Poe's cock brings him up short. He thinks suddenly, bizarrely of the General. Ren chokes and jerks back until his mouth's free. It takes Poe a moment to realise why. Then he freezes.

 

Kylo Ren breathes raggedly.

 

"Sorry." Poe murmurs and it gets him a glare.

 

Then Ren surges forward, hands rough and strong on the back of Poe's thighs and his mouth, oh stars his mouth.

 

It feels so good.

 

He grips Ren’s hair hard, lets his other hand curl around the back of Ren’s neck and he can’t stop thinking about Jakku-

 

The board and the restraints, the remorseless light in his eyes and he’s not there anymore hasn’t been there for a long time but he can see Kylo Ren’s gloved hand reaching out when he closes his eyes and Poe wants to knock him down to the floor and stamp his skull to jam-

 

He can’t do that. Poe _knows_ he can’t do that. He’s not like them.

 

He thinks about strangling Ren. How his pale skin would turn red then blue then grey and the way he’d gasp for breath and stars if anyone in the galaxy deserves it it’s Kylo Ren.

 

Poe tightens his grip on Ren’s hair, on his neck and pulls him forward just a little too far.

 

Ren makes an awful, wet sound and Poe lets him go at once. He falls back on his knees, flushed red, panting and glaring at Poe with an intensity he’s sure he doesn’t deserve. It makes Poe wish he’d pressed further, squeezed harder but that terrible choking sound is still ringing in his head and there’s no way in the galaxy he could hear that and do anything _but_ let go.

 

Poe almost wants to apologise. But that glare puts him back in the worst place he's ever been and-

 

"Make up your mind." Kylo Ren grates as if the worst thing _isn't_ that Poe's thinking about killing him but that Poe's thinking twice about it.

 

Poe thinks about it.

 

"Get on the bed."

 

Ren does. He lies back arms straight beside him, legs a little apart staring up at the ceiling. It's- it looks wrong-

 

Ren shifts and props himself up enough on his elbows to give Poe a disgusted look.

 

"Do it or leave." And there's enough of a challenge in the way he says it that Poe's crawling over him in an instant, elbow at Ren's neck as if he's got a hope of pinning the man down.

 

Ren leans back and tilts his chin up, showing Poe throat like an animal surrendering. His eyes flutter closed and Poe does still want to press down and hear him choke. He can't.

 

Instead he leans forward, puts his mouth over that livid bite mark and sucks. Ren lets out a small, pained gasp, bucks under him and that- that actually does something in a way that imagined violence doesn't.

 

Poe gets up long enough to find a tube of lubricant and Ren moves just enough to take his trousers off. He isn't remotely hard. And that...doesn't feel right for some reason but Poe can't quite bring himself to touch it despite that.

 

He sits, pushes Ren's legs further apart and back until he bends them. He puts slick over his fingers, looks down over Kylo Ren spread out underneath him.

 

His erection wilts a little.

 

But stopping now would feel perversely like he’s let Kylo Ren win so instead Poe Dameron wills the shaking in his hands away and pushes a finger inside Ren.

 

He usually thinks things through better than this. He’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop. For the snarl and the leather gloved fist. But it still hasn’t come and this feels…it feels normal.

 

It feels human.

 

Poe curls his finger and Ren makes a breathy little noise that could be pleasure or pain or more frustration. Poe does it again.

 

If he sits a little bit further back he can’t quite see Ren’s face. Just muscled thighs and a long pale torso dotted with dark moles. That makes it easier. He pumps his finger in and out a few times, watches a shudder go through that thigh-

 

That makes it easier as well, thinking of the person under him in the abstract. Poe brushes a quick kiss against the knee nearest to him and eases another finger in. For a while it feels natural, moving his fingers, the tight heat of someone else’s body, the little gasps and shudders he draws out. Poe starts to get properly hard again.

 

The problem is what comes next.

 

Poe shifts to line himself up and suddenly it _isn’t_ just any pretty, pale body underneath him, he’s looking down at Kylo Ren.

 

And Poe wants to hurt him. And he can’t bear the thought of hurting anyone.

 

“I could move.” Ren says finally and Poe shakes his head.

 

If he can’t do this with his eyes open then what’s the point?

 

He moves over Ren and pushes in slowly. If he closes his eyes it's ordinary human heat-

 

Poe keeps his eyes open. He watches the way Ren's mouth falls open and drinks in the way his breath hitches, a sound that isn't quite pain.

 

When he's all the way in Poe stops, stretched over Ren on all fours and stars he's just so kriffing big that even trying to crane over him seems ridiculous. He shifts a little and Poe _almost_ flinches away. But all Ren does is brush his fingers along the muscles of Poe's arms and settle his legs higher, around Poe's hips.

 

Poe takes a deep breath.

 

When he eventually moves it's gradually, carefully. As if Ren might break.

 

For a while he manages to keep his mind blank. He looks down at Ren's chest, at his thick muscled arms-

 

That part of him looks good, even with the scars. And he _feels_ good, warm and wet and far tighter than anyone in a place like this should be.

 

For a while that's enough.

 

There's no one thing that triggers it but like a jolted blaster Poe's mind shoots back to Jakku and to the evacuation after Starkiller Base ruptured and bled light across the sky. He thinks of the transports bursting and dying under all that fire. He thinks of the General in the medical bay with all those machines around her and-

 

His hands tighten around Ren's huge shoulders, nails digging into his skin. He thinks about thrusting harder, about punching into Ren like the buzzing end of an electrostaff and trying to make him bleed.

 

It’s like all the blood rushes back to his brain at once.

 

Poe stops, closes his eyes and breathes.

 

“OK,” He admits. “This isn’t working.”

 

“You finally noticed.”

 

He pulls out, gradually so it doesn’t hurt and rolls off, landing awkwardly on Ren’s arm because he really _is_ too doshing big.

 

Poe stares at the ceiling. Ren slings an arm over his own eyes. There’s a moment of uncomfortable silence then Poe shifts.

 

“So _do_ you fit in Stormtrooper armour?”

 

Ren swats him.

 

"Ow." Poe protests. "Now that was uncalled for."

 

"Was it?" Ren asks and Poe swats him back for being a humourless brat.

 

Poe rolls on to his side and just looks at him for a while. Ren breathes evenly, it pulls the scar on his side in odd ways. It feels strange, seeing him like this and it makes Poe feel a little bit more sober than he did when he walked in.

 

He wonders what will happen when he reports a sighting here to Rebel command. He wonders if he should. Which is ridiculous because-

 

"Hey, what do you want?"

 

Kylo Ren moves his arm just enough to glance up at him. Poe shrugs.

 

"A decent meal." Ren says and covers his eyes again.

 

Poe considers that for a moment. "Alright."

 

Ren stares at him while Poe stands, tucks himself back into his trousers and wipes off his hands.

 

"You coming?"

 

He doesn't turn to watch but hearing Kylo Ren scramble awkwardly to his feet is probably the most satisfying thing about the whole encounter.

 

-

 

There’s a hole in the wall sort of place across the way that does Mandalorian food. Poe’s never tried it and the way Mandalorians think ‘nose burn’ is an essential part of a meal means he’s pretty sure he never wants to.

 

He’s happy to sit back on one of the cramped little tables and watch Ren steadily demolish enough food for three or four people. Every so often he glances up from his plate and gives Poe a troubled sort of look that makes Poe smile a little wider.

 

“When’s the last time you ate?” He wonders and Ren shrugs. “Not much for conversation huh?”

 

“No.”

 

Poe supposes that’s fair enough, you probably don’t get a whole lot of practice when you’re marching round oppressing the galaxy. It’s funny but he does actually feel _better_ now. Because it was easy, with everything that happened, to think about what he might like to do alone in a room with Kylo Ren.

 

And it’s kinda nice to know he really, absolutely is the better man.

 

“You don’t have to be smug about it.” Ren says which is a little jarring but Poe picks up the thread quickly enough to say that yes, yes he does.

 

"Are you going to report me?" Ren asks.

 

Poe drums his fingers on the table, he hasn't decided yet but- "You got a good reason why I shouldn't?"

 

"Rey already knows I'm here."

 

Which isn't the answer Poe was expecting but then none of this has really been planned-

 

"So, what? You're saying if we send a few squads calling you'll take them to pieces, or vanish before they can get here?"

 

Poe gets another shrug. "I might."

 

"You might?"

 

“I haven’t decided yet.”

 

It occurs to Poe, somewhat belatedly, that something must have gone really kriffing wrong with Kylo Ren’s life for him to have ended up here. And Poe doesn’t want or need to know the shape of that.

 

He doesn’t have to keep looking over his shoulder anymore, doesn’t have to worry about _this_ -

 

For the moment that’s the best possible outcome: that this time when he gets up to go Kylo Ren will stay firmly in the past where he belongs.

 


End file.
